How To Deal With Negativity On Social Media

Last week, someone messaged me to asked me how I deal with negative comments on social media. She told me that her own friends and family were making fun of her for trying to become a blogger, because she was posting photos of her self on Instagram. It doesn’t matter if you’re Kim Kardashian or a creative individual just wanting to express your view of the world, you’re going to be judged and it’s best to learn how to deal with that rather than expect it not to happen.

No one is immune to negative comments, I’ve certainly had my fair share. And I’ve heard plenty of stories from other bloggers to add to my own experiences: those accused of trying to look too glamorous; trolls who constantly tell you how terrible you look; I’ve been accused of photoshopping myself into someone else’s closet; and then there are those comments so nasty that I won’t give them oxygen. But the thing to remember is that there are well over 2 billion people on social media, all with varying levels of mental health and personal circumstances, so to expect sunshine and lollypops all the time is going to result in a few disappointments!

I was never the popular kid at school, and I learnt that to get ahead in life you always have to be kind, polite and selfless. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. My mom always taught me that if you have nothing good to say, then don’t say it at all. But not everyone sees the world this way. People are going to say what they want to say without even thinking that there’s a real person behind that little screen.

I still remember my very first nasty comment – it sounds so trivial, but it was like a stab straight through the heart. Someone said that my shoes looked trashy. Oh man, it was such a tiny thing! But I spent hours just ruminating over it, overthinking it and basically having a mini anxiety attack. Fast forward 3.5 years and honestly nothing much bothers me now. I take it as part of the job and you have to think like that too. Just remember you can’t control other people’s actions ,BUT you can control how you respond; or at least you can try.

So here are some of the things that I do to deal with negativity.

  1. Remember how fortunate you are: If you’re lucky enough to have a mobile phone, an Instagram account and a camera, then you’re doing pretty well compared to a lot of people in this world. This will help you remember that criticism for being a blogger or an influencer is actually a pretty good problem to have, and one that a lot of people would swap their problems with.
  2. Take a deep breath: Often people will project their fears, insecurities and negativity through the judgement of others. Simply breathing into this negativity and making sure your body is getting its oxygen can be enough to temp to the right responses, perspectives and thoughts.
  3. Delete and Block: If you don’t know these people, then the quicker you can delete and block them from your life the better. I used to just leave these negative comments to make sure it didn’t look like I was being selective with feedback, but the reality is that the quicker you can delete them from your consciousness, the better you will be for it.
  4. To respond or not to respond: There are so many huge bloggers like @somethingnavy who really stand up to the trolls and I really admire that. I take a more passive approach and try to choke off negativity by choosing not to feed it. You will find a way that works best for you. But I used to respond to some of these comments and they would just keep going on and on. Why? Because they know that they can get to you, so they will keep going. Trolls are essentially just seeking attention to fill a gap in their lives, so they thrive on getting your reaction. I don’t think that’s going to help me or the troll, so I don’t respond.
  5. Stay strong: You need to thicken that skin right up if you want to be in this game. Take the comments and let them roll right off you. If some of them stick, then maybe someone has made a valid point and it will shape you for the better. But EVERY business will get trolls. No one is immune.
  6. Have compassion: Honestly, happy people don’t judge or get jealous of other people. They are happy within themselves and genuinely wish the best for others. But trolls are the opposite. They are  not happy and they’re infuriated when others are enjoying themselves. So without being too condescending I take pity on these people and hope that they will find a healthier perspective one day.
  7. Self awareness and confidence: The more you are sure about yourself, the easier it is to deal with negativity. Why? Because you know your values and who you are as a person and no matter what gets thrown at you, you’re at peace with your constitution. How do you get there? Well, start by admitting that you’re not perfect, but also know that the most wonderful thing in the world is to be in control of making positive changes to yourself. Michael Jackson said it right – “I’m startin’ with the man in the mirror!” Everyone’s paradise exists between their own two ears, not on some beach in the Maldives or on some private jet. If you’re at peace with who you are and you feel like a good person, then you’ll always be able to tap into endless confidence.

Thank you so much again for reading guys. I really love connecting with you and if you have any questions or any bad troll experiences and you want to use this community to help express and overcome your problems in a positive way, I would love to hear from you!

Outfit details: My Trench is from Roksanda from The Outnet. Similar below.

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  1. Taylor Ivanna on March 6, 2018 at 7:58 am

    The first point is so important! We never realise how lucky we are with our everyday luxuries! And your positivity is so contagious! Lovely post!

    • Miss Gunner on March 6, 2018 at 8:21 am

      Thank you so so much for reading babe!! yes exactly! We all have things we can be grateful for!!

  2. Nessa on March 6, 2018 at 8:12 am

    This is a great post babe!!
    I have the problem, the naiveté ( we say in french) to feel bad when someone is evil… i can’t stand it and feel like it’s not fair. But you are so right! I think i m more in the block/delete thing right now, cause the more i answer, the worst it gets and the worst i feel ahah

    • Miss Gunner on March 6, 2018 at 8:20 am

      Omg Nessa!! wow there’s a world for it in French! how cool is that. In english, i would just say someone is being an ass!! hahaha yup we got no time to feel bad. thank you for reading!!!


  3. talesofjude on March 6, 2018 at 9:24 am

    Super post Ash and so well put. Totally agree with your perspective. I’m definitely moving more and more into ‘caring less what others think’ state which makes me happier and more resilient. Your point about being appreciative of what we have is spot on. Also the pics are stunning, you look amazing in this trench!! J xxx

  4. Dee on March 6, 2018 at 9:31 am

    Oh ash I remember when I had my first troll and I literally ran to you lol. I’ve hung on to your advice from then and apply each time. This post is just gold! Love your insight and tips. I now personally believe it’s best not to engage and keep them positive vibes flowing.

  5. Brandy on March 6, 2018 at 9:49 am

    There was a time, years ago, when I was a victim of cyber bullying. This blogger used to post all of these nasty things about me in his blog. At first, it really hurt, but I came to realize, people say negative things as a reflection of how they feel about themselves. The negative things do not define you, but them. I loved your advice. X

  6. La Bijoux Bella| by mia on March 6, 2018 at 11:12 am

    Such a beautiful post Mademoiselle! Thank you for sharing such wonderful thoughts! ?????

    ??LA BIJOUX BELLA ??| By Mia | A Creative Lifestyle Blog

  7. Carmen on March 6, 2018 at 12:21 pm

    Very eloquently written!! Every word!!!

  8. Angela on March 6, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    I think that you are right, it is better to focus on the positive things that we have in our lifes and surround ourselves with people that inspire us. Love your motivation!

  9. graceandcoy on March 6, 2018 at 4:13 pm

    I cant even imagine you getting trolls, You’re so nice and genuine and kind and all of that shows in your pictures. People are so cruel these days. Love ya, girl


  10. Britta on March 6, 2018 at 5:00 pm

    Ash! You look so amazing in red!
    I love that you decided to talk about this issue as we all experience it on some level. We just have to remember how lucky we are.

  11. Dhwani parikh on March 6, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Have always admired your positive vibes. Especially because it is rare! Keep up the great work and love all your outfits:)



  12. simplementlui on March 6, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    “big” problem for some people … I ignore that kind of comments and I focus only on constructive feedback … either positive or negative but constructive is key 😉

    Fantastic red outfit!

  13. poseandrepeat on March 6, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    Such an excellent and much-needed post Ash! I totally agree, I think having a thick skin and not letting the trolls affect you is so key. Plus totally agree that you can’t control what people do or say but you can control how you react, which is so important!
    x Rubi
    Pose & Repeat

  14. Daniela on March 7, 2018 at 1:37 am

    Great article and I LOVE your outfit too. You look so gorgeous. I delete and block not only negative comments, but also those I find inappropriate, like men having comments about my body. They think they are complimenting me, but I don’t like that kind of comments too. I think we have no obligation to give some space to the inviduals, that simply don’t understand our vision. I have my blog and Instagram to connect with like minded people and for positive interaction so I say all the trolls “bye”.


  15. Shloka on March 7, 2018 at 3:05 am

    This is such a sensitive topic I think for so many girls, and not just girls who are trying to be bloggers but just people trying to shar eon social media. Unfortunately others are not as supportive as they should be but your advice is so spot on! Sometimes I block, sometimes I reply and sometimes I just leave it but you have to do what makes you feel good inside and mentally happy! This is such good advice!

  16. Short Girl Long Jacket on March 7, 2018 at 5:01 am

    Beautiful coat and great advice! I’m lucky that I haven’t had to deal with a lot of negative comments but the first one I got really got to me. But you’re right – the trolls that leave these comments clearly have some issues because happy, nice people have better things to do.

  17. Jessi Malay on March 7, 2018 at 10:10 am

    This is such an important topic babe!! Love that you are so open and honest about it. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts 🙂

    XO, Jessi

  18. jenellewitty on March 7, 2018 at 4:29 pm

    It always surprises me when I either read nasty comments or hear of my blogger friends getting them. I mean, you are just one of the nicest people I have met, let alone bloggers I have ever met. It would never even strike me that you would get negative comments. Don’t these people know how nice you are?! haha but as you point out here, it takes all sorts and social media exposes you to people from all walks of life.
    Personally I have been accused of looking like I am on crack (I had to ask someone to explain which drug that was) when I’d had a photo shoot where the makeup artist did darker dramatic eye makeup and I have been harassed for wearing a faux fur scarf. It definitely wasn’t real fur but they were upset I had anything that resembled fur at all even if it wasn’t real. For each negative case I haven’t really replied to it, some of my other followers have replied for me. That was so so nice of them. I was floored to have someone stick up for me. I didn’t expect that at all. We can’t please everyone. I love these tips you have shared. Such good points and advice.
    xx Jenelle

  19. SHEhijabi on March 7, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    Great article Ash and something a lot of bloggers can relate to. Can’t imagine anyone wanting to say nasty things to you though…your kindness and honesty radiate through your posts! I’m kind of like you in my approach…I don’t feed them and I delete the comments! 😀 Faye xo

  20. Ashon on March 8, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Absolutely love reading your blog Ash, this article is so much needed in today’s word. Like Taylor Swift’s song, shake it off, people will always say no matter what! so we just need to to shake it off and move on.

    Lots of Regards Ashon

  21. notjessfashion1 on March 8, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    What a lovely read Ash. Though social media world is a wonderful place for exchanging of ideas, but like the real world, there can be nasty and hateful people too. While the common trick is to shrug it off, we all know it’s easier said than done. As bloggers, we put ourselves out there for all the world to see (and even judge), and I think that’s realy brave. But we don’t have to listen to everybody, especially those who don’t like us. There’s no point of pleasing these people, they don’t contribute anything to ourlives. So yes, delete and block works!

    Jessica |

  22. stylebyraysagarcia on March 10, 2018 at 1:56 am

    Such an amazing post babe! I agree with you 150%.
    As for your outfit,
    You look amazing as always.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    Luv ya!
    Xx, Raysa

  23. Beckerman Girls on March 10, 2018 at 11:16 am

    Just loving’ your style and photos r gorgeous! Your all red look is soooooooo badass and like that perfect lipstick red colour! AWESOME!
    kisses and have a super weekend!
    xoBeckerman Girls

  24. melodyvalene on March 11, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    Thank you so much for writting this article, it’s much needed. If the person that contacted you reads this comment, my own best friend at the time (not anymore) talked behing my back and said she couldn’t handle how fake I was, fake insta, lashes you name it… It hurts… a lot but the most important thing to remember is your passion and doing something that makes you happy. Just like you’re saying, people are gonna judge you no matter what.

    Much love Xo

  25. Lisa Autumn on March 11, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    Oh babe I needed this post so much! THANK YOU! it’s amazing!

    xx Lisa |

  26. adrianaf20 on March 13, 2018 at 5:46 am

    This is such a great post and the majority of the things you wrote are so important to remember but we easily forget about them!

    The Black Blush

  27. Andrea on March 15, 2018 at 1:58 am

    I love your approach on this subject. I´ve found myself a few times thinking how I will deal with my first hate comment (If I had got one already I don’t remember) but then it´s true that I cannot control it, and like you say, happy people don´t leave nasty comments on others´work, so there´s nothing to feel bad about on these cases.


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